Updated: Feb 3
In 2022, I kept hearing the Lord say, "You will know your truth." It was the beginning of my journey to learn the truth about myself and grow to know the Lord more intimately. I reflected on everything that had happened in the last few years. It was like I was sitting in a space where time was standing still and speeding up all at once. I kept telling friends, " I needed to brace myself."
But for what?
God revealed so much to me in my intimate time with Him and also among my new tribe. I was bracing myself to become the woman He created me to be. Honestly, it was scaring me, and I felt uncomfortable. He confirmed so many things I had felt since I was a child but did not have the faith, belief, community, or identity to pursue Him or His will for my life until now.
Hold up! Let me explain!
This is about my truth and the best way to explain how I got to where I am today; I have to be transparent about what I was on the road to becoming until my truth redirected me.
It started at the end of 2018. I was recently divorced, and I had already seen how God had favored me. I was blessed to have a job/ career that I loved, and I was about to move into my first home without a cosigner. I had no idea how I qualified for the house because I had only been working part-time for six months when I applied. This is important because I felt God was low-key setting me up. If you don't think God has a sense of humor or if He doesn't have a plan for your life, trust me, He does!
Anyway, I felt like I was being shown the blessings, yet my mindset was that of an entitled brat. In some way, I felt God owed me. I felt like I was finally free from a marriage I thought would kill me, and I wanted to live my best life, or so I thought. I was hurting from all the betrayal and pain I endured and grieving the loss of my marriage, family, and friend.
Summer of 2019 came, and I was screaming Y.O.L.O (You only live once) . The wine was my new flavored water, and I was not ashamed.
Until my truth spoke.
When truth speaks, it's not always tied in a lovely ribbon for you to unwrap slowly. Sometimes it comes at you like a slap in the face. You need to wake up and come back to your senses. I needed that slap because I was reckless and behaving entirely out of character, and I knew it!
So, what do you do when the truth speaks?
And I did. Truth sets you free and gives you the ability to transform.
I had gone from being drunk all day on a Saturday in August with my friends. To the same friends explaining on my behalf that I no longer allowed alcohol in my house. I watched how my obedience to God began to touch the hearts and lives of those around me. My home had become my secret place to worship. And with every encounter with Jesus, He had become mine, and I was His. I surrendered more of myself. He began to reveal and heal. It had become the best relationship I'd ever known. It sounds corny, but it's true. But I knew I needed more. I needed to know Him more. I asked Him to show me how to love and surround me with people that knew Him and had a heart for Him. That was my prayer.
In June 2021, He told me to prepare to move. By the end of October 2021, He spoke again. "You have already quit the job that you love. Now give up your home and move to Conway, Arkansas."
To my friends and family, I looked calm and focused, and, for the most part, I was. At this point, I was confident that God wouldn't allow me to fail, but the conversation went a little like this.
Me: Lord, you tripping; why am I going to Arkansas? I don't even like Arkansas. And Lord, that's one of the states I said I would never move to. What do they do there? Are you sure you don't want me to move to Atlanta, Ga, or Louisiana because you know I just applied for a new position in both places? I know I'm qualified. So, I should get one of them. Plus, Atlanta has more activities for families and kids.
God: Close both doors to Atlanta and Louisiana
Me: God? Yo, you for real, for real?!
Me: So, we're moving to Arkansas.
Me: Alright, I trust you. Ima go, but I'm going to cry in the car.
I know some of you have done the same things before. We ask God for something, then question how He does it. I thank Him for His grace and for tolerating me because I was a hot mess.
As I obeyed and moved quickly to Arkansas, more truth began to come toward me like a rushing volcano. But Conway, Ar is where God directed me. There was and still is much more I needed to learn. And those people I prayed for are now my tribe. He would use them to help me become the person I am today. I needed a pure place for my crushing and a blazing fire to purify me. I needed community, friends, sisters, brothers, mamas, and papas in Christ that would love me, pray for and with me, and pour into me, and in return, I needed to learn how to give and pour back. I needed a home.
The truth held a mirror up to my face and showed me myself and others around me. Truth changed me, and I was becoming unrecognizable to myself and others in a short time. Things that once angered me now make me laugh. Some things that I once reacted to, I now remain silent. Unexplainable peace and joy are no longer a phrase but are now my reality. Having this truth does not mean I walk around with a massive smile every day as if I live in a bubble of endless bliss. It means that I have planted roots and now know more than ever that I am not alone. Truth is knowing now my foundation is strong, and I am ready for whatever comes.
Jesus Christ is my truth and my foundation! I am not ashamed!
At the beginning of 2022, my identity was wrapped in being a single mother believing and following Jesus Christ, and striving to make my mark. I walked in 2023 as a woman; that is so much more. I am a woman becoming ...
And if you want to find out who Im becoming, you'll have to stick around for the journey, and I pray my journey inspires and leads you to your truth in Jesus Christ and transformation.
Until next time,
Daughters Of Ruth